I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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