I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
