that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
