i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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