Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
