she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
