I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
