I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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