Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
