The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize