That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
