hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
