rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
