dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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