We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
