my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
