uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
