I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have peed in a lot of sinks
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
