i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
