4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
