You smell like a Billy Joel song
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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