Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
