Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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