Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Four minutes until I can fart!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize