no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
