Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we should paint friendship bongs
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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