May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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