You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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