I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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