gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
