My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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