I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
