We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
