I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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