the condom got lost in my hair
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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