A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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