shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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