Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
