and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
