I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
