I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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