Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
