thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
