I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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