Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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