Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
