pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
