she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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