Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize