Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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