you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
