Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
