my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
