I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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