Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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