the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
