Whod you bang
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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