Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
