my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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