I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
