4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
