Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize