just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
