I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
don't judge my taste in strippers
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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