Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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