i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
