Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
