i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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