What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
