These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
