you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Found your dick twin last night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
