Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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