margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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