i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
