Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
