Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
