I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
