Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
