Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
