worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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