Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How external is "for external use only"?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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