I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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