Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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