Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
