It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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