I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
