I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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