Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she smelled like a LAN party
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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