i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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