So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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