the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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