your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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