we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
