Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
